{ "version": "https://jsonfeed.org/version/1", "title": "LaViska.com", "home_page_url": "https://www.laviska.com/", "feed_url": "https://www.laviska.com/feed/feed.json", "description": "My perpetually changing, personal waste of cyberspace.", "author": { "name": "Cory LaViska", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/about/" }, "items": [{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/higgs-field/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/higgs-field/", "title": "Higgs Field", "content_html": "
I think many of us have a special place like Higgs Field. Going back so many years later, it's just so different. It's bittersweet.
\nYeah
\nIt's taking me back right there
\nLong time ago
\nI'm talking...Higgs Fields
\nYou can come to visit I guess
\nI mean, I don't make the rules here
\nAnd I don't own the place
\nLet's go
Just a little small spot for having fun
\nWe would let time slip away right under that summer sun
\nAnd we'd go full speed, careless as a child
\nLost inside our own imaginations for awhile
\nIn Higgs Field
It wasn't dirt on me, as much as it was me on the dirt
\nIs that a triple, up the middle? Better know when you round first
\nStretch for that first down, even if it hurts
\nInside those walls felt like the safest place on earth
And I'm not scared to leave em
\nBut I just want to say
\nThank the lord in heaven
\nFor such a place to play
\nTime quickly turns to memories
\nI'll take them all away
\nWon't let myself be there
\nWhen this begins to fade
I move at light sp-speed
\nWith a rock in my hand
\nI'm the rocket man
\nSuper star with a cosmic plan
\nTell the fans just watch me man, huh
\nSomebody tell the defense better play their positions
\nSurveying the field, I got that quarter back vision
\nSomebody pass me the ball and I can show em my mission
\nCrossing over til I cross over another dimension
Home run that homeboy
\nI'm 'bout to cross home, boy
\nYou should've stayed at home, boy
\nDon't let me into my zone, boy
\nEverything we've known, boy
\nWhat if it's wrong, boy
\nYou don't really have a home, boy
\nThis is only where you belong, boy
Man, I feel so safe here
\nMan, I feel so safe
\nDon't take this away
\nPlease don't take this away
\nMan I feel so safe here
\nMan I feel so safe
\nDon't take this away
\nPlease don't take this away
A place to lose, a place to bruise
\nA place to rule, a place that's cool
\nA place too cool
\nA place to dance and take a chance on romance
\nAnd make some so-called advancements
\nA place for lives to be spendin'
\nWhere lies for listenin to hide the wisdom
\nMind over matter but it seems the twist is
\nWithout the matter the mind could have never existed
Just a little small spot for having fun
\nWe would let time slip away right under that summer sun
\nAnd we'd go full speed, careless as a child
\nLost inside our own imaginations for awhile
\nIn Higgs Field
And I'm not scared to leave em
\nBut I just want to say
\nThank the lord in heaven
\nFor such a place to play
\nTime quickly turns to memories
\nI'll take them all away
\nWon't let myself be there
\nWhen this begins to fade
Yeah, I'm poppin' off like a Mentos do in soda
\nYou just a burned out supernova
\nUnderground like couple field lane
\nBetter move in closer to the surface
\nOr move it over
\nBy the crack of the bat
\nYou can tell that this one ain't coming back
\nThe only walls that can contain it are the spacial react
\nAnd that's the only walls that matter as a matter of fact
\nI guess it's all fun and games until the day they collapse
Home run that homeboy
\nI'm 'bout to cross home, boy
\nYou should've stayed at home, boy
\nDon't let me into my zone, boy
\nEverything we've known, boy
\nWhat if it's wrong, boy
\nYou don't really have a home, boy
\nThis is only where you belong, boy
And I'm not scared to leave em
\nBut I just want to say
\nThank the lord in heaven
\nFor such a place to play
\nTime quickly turns to memories
\nI'll take them all away
\nWon't let myself be there
\nWhen this begins to fade
The cruise dance is awesome, but bananas aren't the only things with moves. Behold, a dancing taco.
\n\nThat's it. That's the post.
\n", "date_published": "2021-04-02T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/rocket-ship/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/rocket-ship/", "title": "Rocket Ship", "content_html": "All ya'll seem so small
\nOut the window of my rocket ship
So much pressure, I got to get out of here
\nLift off again I'm up out the atmosphere
\nI'm lookin down there is no gravity
\nI'm sick of feelin like everybody mad at me
\nStars, quasars, I become a constellation
\nSo pilled up, I can't have a conversation
\nConstant pressure, hollow tips, doctor scripts
\nWho wouldn't wanna jump back in that rocket ship
[Chorus]
\nEvery now and then I touch down
\nTo check in on my kin
\nNormally don't like what I see so
\nI take off again
\nZoo-oo-oo-oo-oom
\nI'm looking down at the moo-oo-oo-oo-oon
\nOut the window of a rocket ship
\nFrom the window of a rocket ship
They say misery loves company well, pull up a chair
\nAnd I'll tell you how I go to where I don't even care
\nFrom such a loving person, I'm so far from there
\nI don't care about seein people down there
\n3-2-1 lift off, it was good bein here with ya'll
\nIf I don't make it back down again
\nYa'll just keep on moving it
\nKeep growing it, keep learning it
\nKeep lovin it, keep living it
\nPicture me in a rocket ship
\nThat's just bouncin over Lebanon
[Repeat chorus]
\nI was tilted to the side like Pimp C in slow mo
\nIn the yo when I recorded these
\nLyrics you are hearing currently
\nAnd let em live long after they bury me
\nAnd let em up on in them rocket ships
\nWhen they riding rocket ships
\nLike they riding [???] in them Cutlasses
\nMe I had a love for this, ya'll just had a lust for this
\nA fan don't know the difference 'tween what a real G and a busta is
\nSo I took anything they claimed would take the pain away
\nAnd I was caught up in six months of rainy days
\nHold up, let me reach off in my pocketful
\nFill up, on that rocket fuel
[Repeat chorus]
\n", "date_published": "2020-11-30T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/from-the-very-first-day/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/from-the-very-first-day/", "title": "From the Very First Day", "content_html": "\nFrom the very first day
\nYou looked up to me
\nTo your very last hour
\nYour trust was in me
Through thick and through thin
\nAnd through every rough day
\nYou were always there with me
\nTo help guide the way
I miss you so much
\nToday, everything's wrong
\nI hope that you're comfy
\nAnd you're where you belong
And I hope that you know
\nI'll be forever grateful
\nTo have such a friend
\nWho was undyingly faithful
I'm so sorry I failed you
\nFor so many things
\nI live with the pain
\nThat this tragedy brings
I love you forever
\nThrough life and through death
\nFrom the moment I saw you
\nUntil your very last breath
[preacher]
\njust hollow shells of what had once held vibrant life
\nyou hear me right now
\nno matter how much else you may have going for you
\nif the river ever leaves
\nyou die
[chorus]
\nif i go down by the river to pray
\ni don't even know what i'll say
\ni guess i'll save it for another day
\nbut lord i gotta know
\nif somehow my body dies before i awaken
\nwhere will my soul be taken
\ni guess we'll save that for another day
\nlord save me just another day
[verse 1]
\nstuck inside this train of thought
\nslowly getting derailed by the pain of loss
\ntrying to paint this picture, fuck it
\npaint it black, paint it all
\nstill not even sure if i'm gon make it far
\nall i know is that
\ni've earned every single thing i've got, paid the cost
\nstill gonna be humble, even after taking off
\nstill gonna give thank yous to the ones who led the path when i was lost
\nbut i'm distraught
\nlooking back on my life, my family, my relationship with em
\nto claim this patience to a villain
\npatiently awaiting cancer to kill them
\nand still i
\nwon't sing my sorrows through them church pews
\nit's hard to talk to god when i ain't following his virtues
damn
\nall this in a verse
\ngift and a curse
\npersonal thoughts that i write in a letter
\nfor people that won't even care what i say
\ncuz they'll say that our old shit is better
\nand streaming's free so they probably ain't even bought this album
\nstill we ain't shit without em
i gotta calm myself and quit this shouting
\nmama telling me to pray about it, clearly
\nand i doubt he'll hear me
[chorus]
\nif i go down by the river to pray
\ni don't even know what i'll say
\ni guess i'll save it for another day
\nbut lord i gotta know
\nif somehow my body dies before i awaken
\nwhere will my soul be taken
\ni guess we'll save that for another day
\nlord save me just another day
[verse 2]
\nif i told you that i was the son of god would you believe me
\nif i came to you in the night with the light where you could see me
\nif i lit up the world and destroyed everything that was evil
\nyet i'm drowning in this river persecuted by my people
i was baptized and the water turned black
\ncuz i'm thrown off course and my mind's off track
\nset my compass due north but i turned right back
\nthe footprints in the sand were that hard to track
man
\ncuz i done read all the scriptures from egyptian onto the christian
\nand it's kinda hard for me to sit and listen
\nand my mind ain't getting better
\nsecond guessing everything i've ever known
\nso i'm stressing, that's my lesson
you speak to me in riddles and expect me not to question
\nand just take everything that gets thrown at me as a blessing
\ni've got a strong mind, i'm not trying to play the victim
\ncuz i believe in you
\ni just do not believe you listen
[preacher]
\nthey didn't come to see a show...somebody told em!
\ntheir cancer could be healed here...somebody told em!
\ntheir life could be changed here...
\nand you don't change that with technology
\nand you don't change that with program
\nand you don't change that with production
\ni tell you what does that
\nit's a bunch of people that stay in touch
\nwith the river!!!
[chorus]
\nif i go down by the river to pray
\ni don't even know what i'll say
\ni guess i'll save it for another day
\nbut lord i gotta know
\nif somehow my body dies before i awaken
\nwhere will my soul be taken
\ni guess we'll save that for another day
\nlord save me just another day
I keep having this dream. I'm walking in a field. It's really late, or maybe really early. I feel safe…I think. I don't know where I am.
\nThe air is cold. The grass is wet, like an early morning dew has settled on it. My shoes are damp from it. I'm walking, but I don't know to where.
\nThere's a light in the distance. It's the sort light you'd see in an empty baseball field, but there's nothing around. It's just me and this field. I'm walking towards the light. It feels like I've been walking forever.
\n\nHow did I get here? Is this a dream? It feels so real. I'm not sure what it means, but I'm pretty sure this is where I'm supposed to be. For some reason.
\nYesterday I felt alone — like I was all by myself in the universe. I don't remember what happened between then and now, but here I am. I should be scared, but I'm not. I'm completely indifferent.
\nIt feels like I've been here before. I know I've been here before. It's so familiar, but so unique. It's eerily mystifying. What the fuck is this place? Why am I here?
\nI don't know where I'm going. All I know is I have to get there. Somewhere. And until I do, I'm stuck in this field. This cold, lonely, barren field.
\nAnd even though it's empty, it feels like it's not. It feels like it's full of everything. Nothing makes sense here. I think I like being here. Why do I like being here?
\nI'm looking up. The stars are so bright. I don't think I've ever seen so many stars before. Each one is like a compass leading me somewhere. Which one should I follow? Which ones are real?
\nI see trees in the distance. Pine tree's. The kind you'd see in a beautiful painting of New England. Am I home? Is this where the universe has taken me? Is this where I'm supposed to be?
\nI guess I'll find out when I wake up. If I wake up. I'm sure I'll wake up.
\nUntil then I'll keep walking in this field. The trees — they can't be that far away.
\n", "date_published": "2017-08-19T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/to-my-son/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/to-my-son/", "title": "To my son", "content_html": "Exactly nineteen months ago we were in this same hospital, eagerly waiting to meet your sister. Today, it's your turn.
\nIn a matter of hours you'll be in my arms. I can't wait to see your face for the first time. To hold your hand. To see your eyes.
\n\nThere's so much I want to show you. So many things I want to teach you. So many adventures that await.
\nBut all that will come soon enough. Today is your day, Calvin, and this is where your journey begins.
\n", "date_published": "2017-06-07T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/sophies-first-amazon-order/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/sophies-first-amazon-order/", "title": "Sophie's first Amazon order", "content_html": "I didn't think this would happen for at least a few more years, but a couple days ago our nine month old ordered her first lightning deal from Amazon using an unlocked iPhone (whoops).
\n\nBehold, all the laundry baskets we'll ever need.
\nThe best part: there's a no-return policy for this item, so we're stuck with them. Nice choice, Sophie!
\nAt least she's a bargain hunter. She would have saved us $50 had we actually needed six laundry baskets.
\n", "date_published": "2016-08-23T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/on-top-of-the-world/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/on-top-of-the-world/", "title": "On top of the world", "content_html": "If you ask me what I want out of life, you'll get a simple answer. But getting there has been anything but simple. I work my ass off, but there's always more to do. I try to save money, but there are always more bills to pay. I try to be the best husband and father I can be, but there's never enough time.
\n\n\n\nMay we all do a little bit better than the first time
\n
\nLearn a little something from the worst times
\nGet a little stronger from the hurt times
At some point, the world started spinning too fast. I used to be the guy who had his shit together. Now I feel lost, wandering around in the fog of my own thoughts completely directionless. I've never felt so lonely — so helpless.
\n\n\nMay we all get to have a chance to ride the fast one
\n
\nWalk away wiser when we crashed one
\nKeep hoping that the best one is the last one
How do you go from being on top of the world to having absolutely no idea where you are? How do you get back to where you want to be? Not just proverbially, but emotionally, physically, and geographically?
\n\n\nYeah you learn to fly and if you can't then you just free fall
\n
I'm tired of merely existing. It's time to start living again. It's time to clear this fog and climb back up to the top. I worked way too hard to be stuck here at the bottom. Yeah, it's time. Time to push harder than ever. Time to make it all happen — again.
\nMay We All — Florida Georgia Line
\n", "date_published": "2016-08-12T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-man-on-the-moon/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-man-on-the-moon/", "title": "The Man on the Moon", "content_html": "I came up with this years ago in my head. I used to type it as dummy text when I was trying out a keyboard or just needed to type something—kinda like Lorem Ipsum.
\nI have no idea why it stayed stuck in my head for all this time, but it's earned its place here because of it:
\nThe man on the moon is quite a goon.
\nHe got up there in a hot air balloon.
\nBut what goes up, must come down.
\nSo he'll be back sometime soon.
The beating of your heart plays on the machine across the room. In the distance, I hear a new baby crying and I can't help but think that soon, it will be you that I'm hearing.
\nYour mommy's finally getting some rest. We're both very tired, but I won't complain. She has the hardest job of all, and she's been through so much just to get you here.
\n\nEvery time she squeezes my hand, I tell her the pain is worth it and that it will all be over the second she looks into your beautiful eyes for the first time. But she already knows that. The truth is, I'm helpless here tonight.
\nSitting in the corner of this delivery room, there are so many thoughts racing through my mind. Everything I want to show you. Everything I want to teach you. I can't wait for our journey to begin.
\nTonight is the eve of your birth, Sophia, and you're everything I never knew I wanted in my life. Tomorrow, I'll hold you in my arms for the very first time. But tonight, all I can do is wipe these happy tears from my eyes and wait.
\n", "date_published": "2015-11-06T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/home/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/home/", "title": "Home", "content_html": "It was sometime around the end of fifth grade when my parents decided to move from New Hampshire to Florida. At that age, I never understood why they made that decision. I was young, but I had friends, a place I loved, a life I was familiar with.
\nI cried the last day of fifth grade. It happened at the end of the day in front of the school where the buses picked us up. I told my friends we were moving, but they didn't believe me. Maybe I didn't believe it myself. But it was real. How could this happen? That would be the last time I ever saw my friends.
\nI remember wearing sweatshirts every day in an act of defiance when we first moved. It would be 80° outside, but I'd wear them anyway. I vowed to hate Florida no matter what, and that hate lasted for two decades. It lasted until I was 32 years old.
\nA few days ago, I turned 32. I live in New Hampshire with my wife, and I've made the move from Florida to New Hampshire three times now.
\nEach time I came back "home" something would happen and moving back was the only logical option, so I did. Now here I am with a beautiful house in a quiet town—preparing to move back to Florida again.
\nWhy would I move back to a place that I hate? I guess that hate isn't as real as I thought it was. Two decades later, I guess I finally realized why my parents moved our lives in the first place. And they were right.
\nI love my home state. I'll always be from New Hampshire. I'll always miss the spring mornings with open windows and birds calling. I'll always miss the leaves turning into a beautiful palette of colors in the fall. I'll always miss the memories of playing outside in the winter, building forts, and how beautiful it is right after the snow falls.
\nBut those are just memories now. There's nothing left here for me. For my wife. For our new baby coming in October. They're just memories that I've been chasing. I've been looking for a home that doesn't exist anymore when I should have been building one for myself. For my tiny family that's about to get bigger.
\nI have a great life. I have opportunities that a lot of people wish they had. I have a loving wife—my best friend—and an amazing future right in front of me. Yet I keep chasing these memories.
\nI'm over it. It's time to move on. My parents were right even if they didn't know it at the time. The opportunity for us in Florida is so much greater than it is in New Hampshire. There's more family, more friends, more familiarity, more everything.
\nIt's selfish for me to chase these memories. It's time to do the right thing for me and for my family. It's time to suck it up and admit I was wrong for so many years. Some of the best times of my life were in Florida, and some of the best times to come are there, too.
\nSure, people will think I'm crazy. We're all fucking crazy. It was a hard lesson learned. I'm prepared for all the questions and criticism. I'm prepared for anything life throws my way now.
\nKeith Urban – Without You
\n", "date_published": "2015-05-04T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/lessons-not-learned/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/lessons-not-learned/", "title": "Lessons not learned", "content_html": "I should have learned this lesson a long time ago. Searching for something that isn't there for so many years has taken an emotional toll on me. I've dragged myself through hell and back too many times now. I should've known better. I should've realized it sooner.
\nJust like the last time, this is the last time.
\nExcept maybe this time it really is.
\n", "date_published": "2015-04-25T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/chocolate-melting-cake-recipe/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/chocolate-melting-cake-recipe/", "title": "Chocolate melting cake recipe", "content_html": "I actually got this recipe on our last cruise, but didn't remember that I had it until recently. This isn't a copycat recipe, it's the real deal straight from Carnival.
\n\nMake sure the eggs are at room temperature and chocolate is warm enough while making the mixture.
\nPhoto courtesy of Calgary Reviews...I was too busy eating cake to take my own.
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-29T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/cayman-lemonade/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/cayman-lemonade/", "title": "Cayman lemonade", "content_html": "Another great cocktail that I discovered in the Cayman Islands. This one will make you forget all your worries...and the rest of the day. Credit for this beast of a beverage goes to Donovan over at Tiki Beach.
\n\nYou've been warned. If you're not an experienced rum drinker, you might want to try the Cayman Punch instead.
\nI'm still experimenting with quantities, but if you decide to tackle this recipe, I can assure you there's not that much juice in there.
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-29T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/cayman-punch/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/cayman-punch/", "title": "Cayman punch", "content_html": "Here's a great rum punch cocktail that I discovered while vacationing on Christmas Eve in Grand Cayman. If you love rum punch, grab a chair...and a glass.
\n\nWant something a little stronger? Try one of Donovan's Cayman Lemonades.
\n", "date_published": "2013-12-24T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/chili-con-awesome/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/chili-con-awesome/", "title": "Chili con awesome", "content_html": "Here's a recipe for chili that's worth writing home about. It's sort of a Frankenstein of recipes from various sources, but I assure you that it won't disappoint.
\nI'm calling it Chili con Awesome™ because it's chili...and it's, well, awesome.
\nHere's a modified version of the rum runners you'll get when you visit Atlantis in Nassua, Bahamas. The recipe makes it a little more strong and a little less sweet...but so much more tasty:
\nServe over ice and shake well. Drink responsibly, but drink a lot ;)
\n", "date_published": "2013-10-20T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-fallen-sailor/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-fallen-sailor/", "title": "The fallen sailor", "content_html": "My drink of choice is typically a rum and Coke—but not just any rum. Sailor Jerry is the man when it comes to my all-time favorite liquor.
\nBut I also like a good tequila.
\nSo tonight I mixed up my favorite cocktail and threw in an ounce of Familia Camarena Tequila. It's a brilliantly simple combination that tastes great:
\nI was going to coin this one a "Mexican rum and Coke", but Ryan came up with a better name: The Fallen Sailor.
\nSo we'll go with that. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila...
\n", "date_published": "2013-07-09T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/things-i-say/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/things-i-say/", "title": "Things I say", "content_html": "Some say I curse like a sailor, but I've also been told that I'm as eloquent as a Hallmark card at times. Here are some of the curiously awesome things I've come up with...usually from right out of my ass:
\n\n\n"It's hard to keep your balance when you stand corrected."
\n
\n\n"Even those with the modest of dreams find them hard to fulfill."
\n
\n\n"He who does not move forward will be left behind."
\n
\n\n", "date_published": "2012-12-01T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/too-fast/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/too-fast/", "title": "Too Fast", "content_html": ""Your desire to learn should always be greater than your desire to be correct." (Tweet)
\n
Don't let your guard down
\nDon't open your heart
\nThe moment you do
\nShe'll tear you apart
Just keep moving forward
\nAnd follow your dreams
\nThis thing you call love
\nIs not what it seems
You'll find your own way
\nBut it may take awhile
\nYou'll suffer through sadness
\nBefore you can smile
It may be hard now
\nTo let it all go
\nBut given some time
\nApart you will grow
The anger, the pain
\nAnd the tears will subside
\nYou did all you could
\nYou cared and you tried
You jumped in the water
\nBefore you could swim
\nYou threw up a shot
\nIt bounced off the rim
Opportunity knocked
\nAnd you answered the door
\nIt didn't work out
\nBut there will be plenty more
When the time is right
\nYou'll find love that lasts
\nBut in the meantime be careful
\nTo not fall too fast
College didn't teach me how to program. All of the skills I use daily were learned the hard way — through trial and error, poorly written API docs, and foraging through other people's code. I give credit to Academia for algebra skills and emotional endurance, but web development was something that needed to be self-taught. I've embarrassed teachers who tried to teach table-based layouts and stumped professors with scripts that were a fraction of the size of their Java equivalents.
\nThis isn't rogue, this is renaissance.
\nWe solve problems and we do it our way because it works. We make things out of necessity and we give them away for free. We set our sights on the impossible and we make it happen, whatever the cost. What you call insanity, we call perseverance. We don't do it to impress, we do it because it's in our blood — it's who we are.
\nWe're the hackers you fear and the geeks you rely on. We stay up late and wake up early out of sheer adrenaline. We do it, we do it until it's done, and we never complain about it. It's not an addiction, it's a way of life — and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world.
\n", "date_published": "2012-02-21T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/shitted-or-shat/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/shitted-or-shat/", "title": "Shitted or shat?", "content_html": "Two words, one meaning…but is one better than the other? To find out whether or not I just shitted or shat, I decided to consult the Urban Dictionary:
\n\n\nshitted – a past-tense of the verb form of shit;
\nshat - Old English past tense of shit;
\n
Ah, I get it. If I'm feeling historical I can parody the phrase by using a pseudo-Old English word like shat, but if I want to convey a more contemporary version of the message I could use shitted. Or perhaps we could combine them to form the ultimate past-tense fecal expression:
\n\n\nshatted – when someone shitted real hard on something;
\n
Either way, your target audience is sure to comprehend any of these words as long you use them in proper context. Neither of them can validly be considered incorrect, at least until some standards group steps up and tells us otherwise. That could be a ways off, though, because they're way too busy trying to decide which of the 261 variances for fart are acceptable :-\\
\nMy personal favorite (which didn't make the cut): squeaky knee
\n", "date_published": "2012-01-01T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-right-way-to-peel-a-banana/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-right-way-to-peel-a-banana/", "title": "The right way to peel a banana", "content_html": "When I was little, someone showed me how to peel a banana the traditional way: from the top down. Without ever challenging this concept, I've spent the last two decades struggling with stubborn bananas, hoping that each one I peeled would submit without strife. Some would give in easy, but others would bruise and become mushy at the tip, and I really, really hate mushy bananas.
\nA few months ago, I was enlightened by a friend who, upon witnessing my drama with a cantankerous banana, made my life easier by turning everything upside down. Literally. So there you have it. Turn the banana, pinch the tip, then peel it. It's so easy: Turn, pinch and peel.
\nThis lesson is symbolic. It shows us that there are often simpler, more effective ways of achieving our goals, even if that means turning everything in our lives upside down to do so.
\n", "date_published": "2010-04-09T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-health-care-analogy/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-health-care-analogy/", "title": "A health care analogy", "content_html": "Sometimes, the best way to look at things is from a totally different perspective. Analogies give us the opportunity to do just that, so I've taken this opportunity to shed some light on why a government-run health care industry would be better than a privatized health care industry such as the one we currently have here in the U.S.
\n\nThe first thing you do is call the fire department. They drop everything to come to your burning residence, risking life and limb to save your loved ones and even your pets from the devastating inferno. When all is said and done and the flame has been put out, you don't have to pay a dime to the fire department for their heroic services. That's because fire departments are government-operated organizations paid for by taxpayers, and everyone is entitled to it no matter how large or small your home is.
\nThe first thing you do is call Firemen, Inc., pressing ‘1' for English and sitting through a moment of elevator music. After 15-30 minutes on hold, they take your information and send it out to one of their firefighting teams who are already busy fighting another fire. They inform the operator that they won't be available until tomorrow, so you inquire about another team. However, due to a recent downsizing plan to boost profits, the only other team of firefighters available would have to come in from out of town to, which the operator informs you will cost extra.
\nFrustrated, you hang up the phone and dial another company, The Fire Guys, LLC. The Fire Guys quote you a price and, once you agree, ask for your social security number so they can run a credit check. A few minutes later, if the credit check comes back clean, they approve you for a $5,000 fire services loan. You frantically agree to pay for their services as you watch your home and all your life's memories burn to the ground. An hour or two later they show up. Upon arrival, prior to any firemen dismounting the truck, you are required to sign a contract indicating your liability of debt to The Fire Guys, LLC. along with a handful of responsibility waivers. By the time you finish signing, your house has burned completely to the ground and you're still required to pay for the company's overpriced, inefficient services.
\nThe same things are happening in the health care industry, and they could just as easily happen to you and your family. Insurance customers fork out ridiculous amounts of money for inefficient services that aren't there when they need them. The most infamous example of this is the preexisting condition clause that so many health care providers use to weasel their way out of paying for treatments that you're supposed to be insured for. And let's not talk about how overpriced insurance and medical services are in general.
\nSomething needed to change, and something finally has. It may not be a perfect solution, but it's better than nothing at all. In fact, the only arguments I've heard from people who are against the president's bill have been either irrational, ignorant, or based on erroneous facts that they've "heard somewhere." I would enjoy an intelligent discussion on the pros and cons of the recent health care bill, but it seems more and more impossible as enraged people continue to argue over something that they barely understand. Suffice it to say, health care has officially joined the ranks of abortion and religion in terms of debate. It feels like America has sunk to a new low this year.
\nPhoto courtesy of smokeshowing.
\n", "date_published": "2010-03-23T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/sometimes-i-wonder/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/sometimes-i-wonder/", "title": "Sometimes I Wonder", "content_html": "I wonder what she sees in me
\nSomething that I still can't see
A bright and charming, somewhat shy,
\nIntroverted kind of guy?
I wonder why she always prays
\nFor bright and sunny summer days
When all I want is cold and rain
\nA winter, bleak, and full of pain
I wonder why she always dreams
\nOf what this thing we call "life" means
To me it's just the way things are
\nI never cared to think that far
I wonder why she holds me tight
\nOn every day and every night
Even though I hold her back,
\nI must admit my grip is slack
I wonder if she knows inside
\nAbout the things I try to hide
All the thoughts, the way I feel
\nAnd all the scars that will never heal
I wonder if she'd hate me for
\nAll the things I've done before
And even if she did forgive,
\nIs that a life that I could live?
I wonder if this could be real
\nHer smile, her love, the way I feel
Or maybe things aren't what they seem
\nAnd this is just another dream
Some assembly required
\n", "date_published": "2008-11-03T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/online-classes/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/online-classes/", "title": "Online classes", "content_html": "When you sign up for online classes, you do so via the Internet. That means there are no registration lines and no bitchy ladies telling you the registration form hasn't been filled out properly. There are no physical classrooms to show up late to, which means there are no boring lectures that you can fall asleep to. Exams are administered online, which means you can take them bare-assed at two in the morning while listening to Queen. Online classes are schweet!
\nThere is, however, one thing that I really hate about them: the obligatory message board. This is where you answer questions to assignments and respond to classmates about what you're learning in the course. This sucks because part of your grade usually relies on responding to these people, whom you've never met, don't care to meet, and won't ever talk to again unless, of course, you're afforded the luxury of seeing them in future online classes. You lucky dog.
\nLet's think about this. There are three reasons why I take courses online:
\nPerhaps if conversations on the message board were more meaningful than "Great job, Larry! Your post was really insightful" and "Thanks for pointing that out, Cathy, I didn't think of that before", I would be more apt to participate. I don't think I've ever finished reading one of these posts without my IQ dipping into the negatives for at least a moment.
\nI know that's a pretty mean thing to say, but everyone else in the class has to feel the same way; otherwise there would be more effort and meaning put into their responses.
\n", "date_published": "2008-09-19T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/angry-conscience/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/angry-conscience/", "title": "Angry Conscience", "content_html": "Inside your head and all through your mind
\nThere's a broken dream that you left behind
It comes in and goes out, but it never leaves
\nYou hide and you struggle, you suffer and grieve
Face to face, but you're looking away
\nPretending it's night when it's damn well the day
Refusing to go back because maybe it hurts
\nYou dig yourself deeper, just making it worse
Accidents, apologies, regrets and mistakes
\nAll the memories that made your heart ache
Are left there to live and dwell in your head
\nWhile they eat you alive and throw you up dead
But you're stubborn and still and you won't even talk
\nYou just gaze at the stars and sneer at the clock
Like you have all the time a man possibly could
\nTo tell her you love her, like you probably should
There's been a lot of speculation about the quality of single, college-aged girls in the Melbourne area. My hypothesis is simple: most of the good ones go out of town for college while the "less than desirables" stick around, making the dating scene a rough, contaminated quagmire for guys like me. To qualify my deduction, here are some real quotes from first-dates I've been on:
\n(I really wish I were making these up)
\nAs a result, here are some thoughts that often occur during my first-dates:
\nThis is, without a doubt, the most depressing thing about living on the Space Coast, and I encourage any girl in Brevard County to prove me wrong about this. Please.
\n", "date_published": "2008-07-18T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/negativity-in-the-workplace/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/negativity-in-the-workplace/", "title": "Negativity in the workplace", "content_html": "When an organization causes feelings of negativity, people handle it in a number of different ways. Detachment is the one we're going to focus on right now. Obviously, this is bad for both the organization and the individual, but the process of detachment is popular because it works really well in the short term. By detaching, a person is able to cope with extremes that would otherwise trigger intense reactions which are not only inappropriate, but devastating to their position and their reputation. Ignorance, stupidity, and incompetence are all excellent examples of these extremes.
\nSomething I've come to realize is that this happens to me on a daily basis.
\nWhere I used to fight the good fight, argue my points because they made sense, and pursue a greater good with the hopes that one day I'll achieve something special—something to be proud of—I no longer find myself having the energy or will to pursue those aspirations. The fun stops, anticipation fades, and life begins to suck for eight hours a day. The job I used to love becomes a job that I despise. Waking up in the morning gets a lot harder. Things that make me think of work get blocked out of my mind and forgotten until I'm forced to think about them again. This is stupid.
\nDetachment is interesting because it can have very comedic side effects. Sarcasm is my personal favorite, but pushing people's buttons is definitely the most satisfying way to fuel detachment. Your supervisor and the people that irritate you become your primary victims. You find ways to make things harder for them, going out of your way to ensure that they feel the full wrath of your efforts. It's humorous because they seldom realize what you're doing, and if they do they are oblivious to what's causing it. If anyone asks you if there's a problem, "of course there isn't."
\nI am merely a product of my environment. Without the environment, the "negativity issues" don't exist. Add the environment back in, enter issues. There is a correlation here.
\nFor reasons I can't seem to understand, people expect the problem to be solved from the bottom up, but the problem really needs to be handled from the top down. On the lowest levels, people are generally happy. In a civilized environment, they are even respectful of meaningful policies and activities. It is only when nonsensical matters are introduced that people begin second-guessing authority.
\nFor example, a policy enforcing a business casual dress code in the work environment is generally accepted. It makes sense. On the other hand, a program to reduce the amount of negativity in the work place is generally criticized…a lot. Why? Because people don't feel that they are the cause, so why should they be part of the solution? In their opinion, it is entirely meaningless. Here's where things split.
\nSome people will argue that it's better to give in and go with the flow—that by being more positive their environment will follow suit. I, on the other hand, tend to argue that, if I am a product of my environment, it is my environment that needs to become more positive. In turn, that positivity will reflect in me. Is the glass half full or half empty?
\nWhen you put out a fire, it's more effective to point the hose at the base of the flame. Spraying the tips will do nothing more than waste water. The point being that, although employees comprise the foundation of an organization, they are not always responsible for the problems that cause them to be negative. So why point the hose at them?
\nHere are some things I know to be true:
\nWith this short list, I can visualize so many reasons why the relationship between those responsible for doing and those responsible for getting it done almost always results in a negative environment. We have to be bigger and better than that to make a system like this work. We have to learn to trust the people we work with and have faith that they are capable of doing their jobs and doing them well. We have to admit when we are wrong and learn from them instead of trying to cover up our mistakes. We need to stop blaming everyone whenever we fail at something. We need to stop thinking only about ourselves, and more about the common goal we share as an organization. We should be proud to be working together, and proud of the result.
\nWhen we don't do this, our environment suffers. Distrust fills the air. The little things start bothering us left and right. Negativity flourishes. Yes, it comes from people, but not from a single individual. (Most of them have already detached themselves in an effort to survive.) Focus on the organization and it's processes and you will find the base of your negativity. Only then will productivity and positivity be truly successful.
\n", "date_published": "2008-07-17T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/four-dollar-gas-rocks/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/four-dollar-gas-rocks/", "title": "Four dollar gas rocks!", "content_html": "Ever since gas hit three dollars a gallon, I've been championing higher fuel prices as much as possible. Most people get pissy when I tell them that the primary reason I want gas prices to go higher is because "it will keep all the lowlifes off the road". In fact, there are a multitude of reasons that higher gas prices will make things better for everyone in America.
\nFirst off, it will keep a lot of the lowlifes off the road, but it will also make people think twice before they drive somewhere. I used to see people from my neighborhood drive to the community mailbox almost daily. In the past few months, I can honestly say there have been more people walking. Little things like this, multiplied by every neighborhood in the United States, can create a huge, positive impact on energy conservation.
\nAnother great side effect of higher gas prices is less pollution. If people are driving less, their cars aren't out there blowing smoke into the atmosphere. Simple. There have also been reports of less traffic accidents and fewer people clogging up the highways on the holidays. Additionally, mass transit use is at a 50 year high. All in all, higher gas prices are slowly breaking a bad habit we've had ever since motor vehicles became a common commodity. As many people are finally realizing, sometimes, you just don't need to drive.
\nIn no way do I miss two dollar gasoline. If I had to pick a fuel-related topic to complain about right now, it would be all of the people who are bitching about high gas prices. Four dollars a gallon is still cheaper than most countries in Europe. If you really don't like it, move to Venezuela.
\n", "date_published": "2008-07-06T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-lonely-road/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-lonely-road/", "title": "A Lonely Road", "content_html": "Darkness sets in and clouds fill the sky
\nThe evening waits patiently, life passes by
Off in the distance, she stands in a dress
\nShe bears not a smile, her hair is a mess
Timid and restless with nowhere to turn
\nThere's so much to see and so much to learn
Go to her. Go! Don't think with your mind
\nThink with your heart and see what you find
Step through the fog, breathe the cold air
\nThe scenery changes…the girl isn't there
A vision that seemed so alive and surreal
\nIs left for the darkness of night to conceal
Did it all go away when we gave up our youth?
\nHas destiny failed in its moment of truth?
Are all of our dreams meant to wither and die?
\nOr will we find light, through the tears that we cry?
I used to hate when people would call my phone and leave a voicemail message telling me to call them. First off, I know you called. It said so when I pressed ‘ignore'. Second, it's kind of a no-brainer that, when someone calls, you call them back. Lastly, I really don't care anymore anyways because I have Visual Voicemail, which means I can delete your message without even having to hear it.
\nSo go ahead, leave a message. It's not my time you're wasting. (Note: rant does not apply to informative, interesting, or otherwise useful messages.)
\n", "date_published": "2008-03-28T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-global-object-model/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-global-object-model/", "title": "The global object model", "content_html": "Levi and I came up with a real-life equivalent to the Document Object Model (DOM). It's called the Global Object Model (GOM), and it can be used to organize, reference, and manipulate elements around the globe using simple JavaScript statements.
\nWhere the DOM limits you to window and document, the GOM opens the door to bigger and better things. For example:
\nvar idiot = world.countries['USA'].currentPresident();\nalert( idiot.approvalRating() ); // outputs 3%\n
\nThe GOM supports event handling. The following code would guarantee that I alway have Taking Back Sunday tickets as soon as the band goes on tour:
\nworld.musicians['TakingBackSunday'].onTour = function() {\n world.people['cory'].buyTickets();\n}\n
\nError catching is easy with the GOM:
\ntry {\n world.people['cory'].fartInPublic();\n} catch {\n alert('Excuse me!');\n}\n
\nI'm even working on a jQuery port so we can minimize the amount of code and the time it takes to write said code. Now, you can reference multiple people, places, and things with simple CSS selectors. To make it snow in Las Vegas, Phoenix, and Albuquerque, we say:
\n$('#las_vegas, #phoenix, #albuquerque').weather('snow');\n
\nTo invoke uproar in every U.S. city simultaneously, we could use:
\n$('#USA .city').pandemonium();\n
\nStandard jQuery functions still work:
\n$('#reportCard').hide(); // for kids with bad grades\n\n$('.breasts').show(); // at Mardi Gras\n\n$('#g_w_bush').replaceWith('#mr_t'); // a better choice\n
\nAnd, of couse, chainability. Here's how I would wake up every morning:
\n$('#cory').onWake( function() {\n $(me).shower().brushTeeth().getDressed().goToWork();\n});\n
\nAnd, in case you're wondering, within a few minutes I'll be doing something like:
\n$('#cory').sleep();\n
\n",
"date_published": "2008-03-02T00:00:00Z"
},{
"id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/alive-again/",
"url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/alive-again/",
"title": "Alive again",
"content_html": "Sometimes I just want it to be dark forever. I want to feel the cold air inside my lungs and walk aimlessly through the night. I need to feel like it's out there…like it's really out there and that I can get to it. I need to know if what I need is really what I seek, and if what I seek is really what I need.
\nIt's been a long time since I could feel it…that gut feeling that what I'm doing is right. That deep down feeling that isn't there anymore. I need to know where it went. I need it to call out to me so I can be reassured that it's not a lost cause. I need to feel alive again.
\n", "date_published": "2008-02-25T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/who-id-like-to-meet/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/who-id-like-to-meet/", "title": "Who I'd Like to Meet", "content_html": "There's something to be said about a girl who can outshine all others without makeup, expensive dresses, or high heels. She shouldn't be afraid to get a grass stain on her clothes every now and then. She should be graceful in her steps and careful with her priorities. Public affection should be something she anticipates, and she shouldn't mind holding hands, being caressed, and an occasional kiss.
\nNot afraid to show her true colors, she should be assertive and inspiring. Creativity should flow through her every thought and act as a fingerprint to everything she does. Her curiosity should never settle. She should be anxious to learn and eager to teach.
\nShe should be generous, never reluctant to give love, advice, and piece of mind wherever it is needed. A victim of chivalry, she should be taken by surprise when she least expects it and satisfied when she most desires it. A girl. Special. Unique. Loving. Honest. Faithful. Confident in herself, with a bit of reliance on something that makes her feel complete. She should be beautiful, but not in the way the world expects her to be.
\nMost importantly, she should be herself. And she will be loved.
\nThis seems to be making its way around the Internet again lately, so I figured I'd point out that this—along with all the other poetry and similar writings on my site—is original work. I initially wrote it to put on my MySpace page during a rough patch where I was single, lonely, and openly pathetic about it. People liked it so much that I eventually put it here. You'll find bits and pieces of it all over the web, and some instances where it's been copied in its entirety.
\n", "date_published": "2008-01-24T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/advisor-vs-adviser/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/advisor-vs-adviser/", "title": "Advisor vs. adviser", "content_html": "Not to argue something trivial, but I've always personally used the spelling advisor. Since adviser looked awkward, I decided to investigate. My research indicates that the two terms are interchangeable and neither can actually be deemed incorrect. See the web definitions of advisor and adviser.
\nMerriam Webster says the words are synonymous, as does the American Heritage Dictionary, the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, Roget's Thesaurus, and Princeton's WordNet. The Purdue Marketing Communications Editorial Style Guide insists on the spelling advisor over adviser. The Columbia Guide to Standard American English states that "both spellings are standard". It does not appear that the agentive ending –er or –or has any semantic meaning in the case of either term.
\nFurthermore, a Google search for advisor returns 85,100,000 pages, while a Google search for adviser only returns 21,500,000 pages. This indicates that, at least in common usage, advisor is dominant at a ratio of four-to-one over_adviser_. It is also argued that the –or version is aesthetically pleasing in comparison to the –er version.
\nWhile neither are technically correct nor incorrect, I prefer to use advisor. *shrug*
\n", "date_published": "2008-01-22T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/christmas-alone/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/christmas-alone/", "title": "Christmas Alone", "content_html": "No carols, no bells
\nNo cookies and tea
\nNo ornaments hanging, not even a tree
There won't be presents
\nThere won't be lights
\nThere won't be silly snowball fights
No Santa, no sleds
\nNot a single reindeer
\nNo mistletoe hanging within a mile of here
No getting up early
\nNo kids to be found
\nNo toys, no laughing, not one cheerful sound
No stockings, no cocoa
\nJust a quiet little home
\nThat's what it's like, to have Christmas alone
We made Chipotle-style burritos for Halloween, which meant that I needed to make some kickin' pico de gallo. So I found a recipe online, adapted it a bit, and made some awesome pico de gallo. Here's how I made it:
\nA shit load of pico de gallo.
\n", "date_published": "2007-11-17T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/ordering-from-burger-king/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/ordering-from-burger-king/", "title": "Ordering from Burger King", "content_html": "I get weird looks when I order from Burger King:
\n\n\n"A medium number one with cheese, minus onion...onion rings instead of fries...and a coke."
\n
I suppose the whole onion thing is a bit contradictory, but what the hell? They said I could have it my way.
\n", "date_published": "2007-11-05T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/ramen-haiku-revisited/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/ramen-haiku-revisited/", "title": "Ramen haiku revisited", "content_html": "In the beginning of the month, my snack drawer inspired me to write a Haiku about a lonely ramen. Now, my snack drawer is empty and, once again, I have been inspired:
\n\n\nAn empty drawer
\n
\nNo more snacks for me to eat
\nWish I had ramen
One day, my greatness will be recognized.
\n", "date_published": "2007-10-29T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-perfect-guy/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-perfect-guy/", "title": "The Perfect Guy", "content_html": "I may not be the perfect guy
\nBut you're the perfect girl
\nYou may believe I've lost my mind
\nBut I'll give you the world
I never was that good with gifts
\nThere's some things that I lack
\nBut everyday I think of you
\nIt helps me stay on track
The times that I think giving up
\nIs something I should do
\nAre saved by just one single thought
\nOf my arms embracing you
Your soft blue eyes look into mine
\nMy heart, it skips a beat
\nI love your hair, I love your smile
\nYou make my life complete
Every day that passes by
\nThat you cannot be here
\nI hope you know in your heart
\nThat I am always near
No matter what the future brings
\nYou'll always be the one
\nWho showed me the importance
\nOf being me and having fun
And if I fail to make you happy
\nPlease know that I tried
\nBelieve me when I tell you
\nI've never cheated, never lied
The things I wish for may not be
\nAchievable at all
\nI can hope and I can dream
\nBut it's you that makes the call
I've screwed some things up in my life
\nI'm not the perfect guy
\nBut believe me when I tell you
\nThat I'll love you 'til I die
I will now show you how to generate large amounts of static electricity with common household items and minimal effort. I haven't figured out any practical use for this yet, but it's fun…kind of.
\nEarn cat's trust by laying next to him on the floor. Pet gently until cat is semi-conscious and nearing slumber. Now, using one hand on the cat's lower back, quickly begin spinning in a fast, clockwise motion.
\nNote: cat may get pissed off. For best results, use one that is declawed and/or defanged.
\nNow, if you do it right, after a couple of spins you will begin generating static electricity. In fact, if the cat you used is a good conductor, you will both be in for a bit of a shock. I love science.
\nDisclaimer: no long term testing has been done to determine the effects of this method on the longevity of the cat. Do not attempt this if your cat has a history of heart problems, critical medical conditions, or is pregnant. Not responsible for electric shock resulting from this procedure.
\nNow go. Have fun :)
\n", "date_published": "2007-10-09T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/ramen-haiku/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/ramen-haiku/", "title": "Ramen haiku", "content_html": "My desk at work has a snack drawer. Oftentimes I sit there with it open, gazing at the helpless snacks just waiting to be consumed. And then I think, I should write a haiku about them. And so it was. A colorful haiku about those oh, so tasty ramen noodles:
\n\n\none lonely ramen
\n
\nsitting inside the drawer
\neat me you bastard
So now you know. Yes. I do have a creative side.
\n", "date_published": "2007-10-01T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/bring-on-the-rain/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/bring-on-the-rain/", "title": "Bring on the rain", "content_html": "Tonight I stood outside in the rain and ate an apple. I watched the lightning flash and waited for the thunder to fill the sky. My thoughts were deep, although I don't remember exactly what they were. Being out there satisfied something inside me. It made me feel better about myself and about life in general.
\nAs I write this, my shirt is still wet and my fingertips are sore. I have a lot to think about and even more to do, but I'm confident that everything will fall into place as it is intended to be. I'm looking forward with a positive outlook and anticipating a lot of exciting new changes in life—but not all at once. Sooner or later they'll come…I'm not in a rush :)
\nAll I know is that something great is on the horizon.
\n", "date_published": "2007-09-24T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-interpretation-of-communication/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-interpretation-of-communication/", "title": "My interpretation of communication", "content_html": "There are a lot of people that I enjoy interacting with on a daily basis. Some are friends, some are family, some are random strangers who I've never met before and may never meet again. Others are ones that I've only met through text in an IM window or messages through an online community.
\nCommunication is an essential part of human intelligence. Most of us can communicate in one way or another, if not by speech then by signal, sound, or feeling. We subconsciously measure people's reactions to the things we do and say and we adjust our tone, our sincerity, and sometimes our entire message accordingly.
\nIf we feel that the other person isn't going to receive the message the way we want them to, we wait for a more appropriate time to tell them. Based on their mood and our knowledge of their beliefs and feelings, we wait for the right moment to sneak in and present the message in a way that we think the receiver will accept it.
\nThis happens all the time to everybody, whether we think about it or not. It's the way we communicate based entirely on our instinct. Other animals do it, as well. The way I see it, if something is smart enough to interact with other living things then it's subject to the same concept I'm describing here.
\nThe problem is that when we interfere with what we want to say exactly when we want to say it we give in to fear, selfishness, and dishonesty. We fear that our thoughts, opinions, and ideas will be rejected. We become selfish because, instead of laying all the cards on the table, we strategically wait for the right moment to express our thoughts in an effort to maximize our personal gain. We sacrifice honesty by ignoring the way we feel, or at least by not expressing those feelings when we probably should.
\nSome may argue that, by expressing ourselves so openly, we are still being selfish because we neglect to consider others' feelings. This is a catch-22 at best, but wouldn't it be more effective for everyone to know what other people really thought? With nothing to hide, no communication breakdown, people would know when to help others, when to hurt others, and when to worry about things and when to leave them alone.
\nThink government. Think relationships. Think your own family. Everyone I know has at least one thing that they can tell me but can't tell someone in their own family. Why hide things and live in secrecy when you could just as easily shove it in the world's face and live contently with who you are and how you feel?
\nBut expressing ourselves so readily and honestly can put us in a bad position because we may offend somebody. We may introduce one of our own weaknesses to someone else. We may open up the door to controversy. For some reason, these are bad things.
\nIn essence, we are all individual players in the largest battle that mankind has ever faced. We are at war with ourselves and everyone around us, simply because we can't communicate with each other. We can't accept what other people have to say for what it's worth.
\nFundamentally, there is no solution to our inability to communicate effectively. Even if there were, with hundreds of languages and billions of people in the world we could never apply it effectively. It's really kind of sad if you think about it.
\nWe will never be able to say what we want to say when we want to say it. In truth, it's not always appropriate. You would never tell your girlfriend that she looks terrible when she's already crying. Of course it would add insult to injury, but we shelter people for the time being whenever we feel like they can't handle the truth. Essentially, we soften ourselves up that way and it becomes an expectation. And maybe thats alright.
\nThere really isn't a point that I'm trying to get at. This is my analysis of human communication from one person to another and the problems it creates throughout our global society. I believe that communication is the root of most of the world's problems and, if used intelligently, could solve a lot of the pandemonium it creates.
\nMaybe it's as simple as a few fundamental concepts. If everyone told at least one other person something positive everyday, maybe we wouldn't be so negative all the time. Then again, maybe we would. But if I could tell every person in the world a few of the very basic things that I've learned in life, I think I would start here:
\nDon't send these to anyone. In fact, I'd much rather you say nothing at all until someone you care about really needs it. Not randomly, but at a time when they will actually understand the message and see the power and meaning behind it. This doesn't belong in a chain email or on a cubicle wall. It belongs in our hearts.
\nIf we live with a few of these basic principles in mind, we'll all understand each other a little bit better—and isn't that the whole point of communication?
\n", "date_published": "2007-09-19T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/morning-routine/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/morning-routine/", "title": "Morning routine", "content_html": "Much thought and experimentation has been accomplished in an effort to develop the following theory. For the sake of simplicity, I've converted my findings into an easy to understand mathematical formula:
\nStaying up late
\nThe evidence is clear as day given the fact that both of the following days proceeded 2:00am bedtimes and 7:00am risings:
\nI'm not sure whether these are symptoms of regression or senility, or if my inability to be coherent before noon has finally caught up to me. It looks like I'll have to start double checking all my undergarments before I leave every morning.
\nWeird. This was never a problem before :-\\
\n", "date_published": "2007-09-13T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/here-to-stay/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/here-to-stay/", "title": "Here to stay", "content_html": "Asleep alone, she lays in bed
\nWrapped in covers—toe to head
Gentle skin and long blond hair
\nSparkling glitter everywhere
A glowing star, she shines so bright
\nSo peaceful in the quiet night
She dreams of dreams I'll never know
\n…envisions worlds I'll never go
And come the morning, she will rise
\nAdventure pouring from her eyes
So bright and ready to start the day
\nI just wish she were here to stay
Remember when we were kids and could get away with silly things like these?
\nWell you know what? The Randal Graves in me says I'm taking it back. That's right. Paper fortune tellers are cool again, despite what your bratty little fifth-grader thinks.
\nSo go make me one :D
\n", "date_published": "2007-09-11T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/im-sorry/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/im-sorry/", "title": "I'm Sorry", "content_html": "I'm sorry for the things I said
\nI'm sorry for the things you read
I'm sorry for the times I lied
\nI'm sorry for the times you cried
I'm sorry for the things I thought
\nI'm sorry for the things I bought
I'm sorry for the times I screamed
\nI'm sorry for the times I dreamed
I'm sorry that I called it "lust"
\nI'm sorry that I broke your trust
I'm sorry for that awful letter
\nI'm sorry I couldn't make it better
I'm sorry for the teary eyes
\nI'm sorry for the fake goodbyes
I'm sorry for the pointless fights
\nI'm sorry for the sleepless nights
I'm sorry that I broke your heart
\nI'm sorry that I tore you apart
I'm sorry that you had to see this distant, hurtful side of me
\nI'm sorry
\n", "date_published": "2007-09-05T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/compromised/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/compromised/", "title": "Compromised", "content_html": "Ironic that, the day I get home from a "hacker" conference, my credit card company informs me that my account number may have been compromised (along with many others). The card has been voided and a new one is already in the mail…yay.
\nApparently a hacker broke into some online retailer's system and "saw" a bunch of the numbers so this is just standard procedure. Luckily, there were no fraudulent charges on my account.
\n", "date_published": "2007-08-07T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/trip-to-las-vegas/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/trip-to-las-vegas/", "title": "Trip to Las Vegas", "content_html": "A phone call to my house at 6:15am usually results in curse words and violent fits of rage. Fortunately for Rich, who is doubling today as airport shuttle slash traveling buddy, this is the morning we leave for DEFCON in Las Vegas.
\nExcited? A bit. Tired? Hell yeah. I didn't get to bed until 2:30am again—nothing out of the ordinary for me.
\nOn a positive note, a 3-hour shift in time may help me get to sleep at a reasonable hour or, at least, avoid any kind of jet lag.
\nI'll see everyone on the 7th!
\n", "date_published": "2007-08-02T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/i-told-you-so/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/i-told-you-so/", "title": "I told you so", "content_html": "Feelings of passion explode into tears
\nAll hopes for the future are now empty years
A lack of direction and no aspiration
\nStuck in this world, engulfed in frustration
Facing a dream that's too real to be fake
\nBut scared to admit it, and shy to partake
Their shallow beliefs and conception of love
\nContradict all the lessons that were sent from above
So struggle, and strife, we try to be clever
\nOnly to fail with each willful endeavor
A small piece of happiness shows in the light
\nAt once it is gone, like a thief in the night
Alas, we realize that whatever we do
\nWill never be good enough for both me and you
There once was a time when love was the best
\nBut all of those days have been long put to rest
And I see all the things that, as a child, I missed
\nAll the hopes and dreams, that I long ago wished
They burn in a fire that's fueled by my mind
\nLeaving nothing but ashes…that's all I can find
There's nothing in life that deserves more regret
\nThan wanting something that you know you can't get
But trite as it is, I will never stop saying
\nDreaming, hoping, and perhaps even praying
That one day they'll see what I already know
\nAnd I'll cheerfully tell them, "I told you so"
My interpretation of a picture that Jay Barnes took of a strangely-themed, kids version of Cottennelle toilet paper:
\n\nIt's an inter-corporate political issue. The marketing team set out to launch a kid-based marketing campaign with a new theme that would attract children, making them scream "MOMMY!!! MOMMY!!!" while pointing excitedly at the ever-so-soft youth-targeted toilet paper. It was a good campaign, too, however, the executives didn't like it.
\nYou see, initially it was a simple, cartooney, underwater theme. The kids they tested it on loved it! But the CEO and his henchmen thought something was missing…and they were right. The marketing team, caught up in this rare, exciting spin on toilet paper advertising (and let's admit, nobody puts a fucking octopus and a treasure chest on a package of shit paper) that they forgot to incorporate the company's world-renowned ass-wiping mascot — the Cottonelle Puppy!
\nWith the product's launch date getting closer and closer, there was no time for a redesign! But the executives weren't going to let this one get by without the logo that brands Cottonelle. After all, they know that sea creatures and treasure chests don't sell their product — it's that cute little golden puppy.
\nSo the marketing department brought back the second rendition of the campaign. However, both the design team and the executives agreed that the dog alone could not survive underwater without some way of breathing. Did you HEAR that? He wouldn't be able to breathe!!! They needed something that would keep PETA off their ass.
\nSo, the third try gave the dog a set of fins and an air tank, but that didn't work either, because a wet puppy isn't a good symbol of cleanliness, and you need to have cleanliness to advertise toilet paper.
\nNext came the mini-sub, which was inspired by one of the designer's who was bored one day playing Jaws on his 8-bit Nintendo Entertainment System. That and the headlight from a '68 Ford Mustang satisfied the executives, because they finally had their puppy on the design and in good health. The marketing team, at this point, was just happy to be out of hot water.
\nAnd the design, as completely impossible and illogical as it seems to have a dog — no, a PUPPY — navigating a state of the art submersible vehicle on a product that I wipe my ass with…well, that's just stupid.
\nBut the kids love it and he is cute
\n*shrug*
\n", "date_published": "2007-06-03T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/stupid-laws/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/stupid-laws/", "title": "Stupid laws", "content_html": "I originally posted this on Florida Today's forum, in response to the "kids-in-car" bill that the Florida House of Representative were considering. I kinda liked it, so I wanted it to live forever here, too:
\nLaws are made to "protect" us. Well, what this really means is that laws are made to control people and tell them what they can and can't do. "You can do this, but not this, this, or this. And if you do that, then you will get fined for it. And if you do this, then you'll go to jail."
\nSome fundamental laws are necessary to maintain a functioning society. Things like murder, rape, and thievery, for example, should all be valid laws. The problem we have here is that there are too many rules custom-tailored to fit specific instances of human stupidity. This defeats the entire purpose of a "free" country. Almost every freedom we have has been taken away because some idiot decided that he wanted to do something stupid. When stupid people break the law, the system is so soft on them that they're right back out there doing the same stupid things again, causing more frustration, wasting more resources, and harming more people. Rather than solve the problem at the source, we choose to create little "laws" that will "prevent" these things from happening in the future. In reality, what happens here, is the crime rate actually goes up.
\nWhy? Because I can't seem to find a copy of a "law book" that my government mailed to me, informing me of all the great new "laws" they created to protect me. And without my handy lil' law book, I'm not sure how many of the day-to-day things that I've been doing for the last 10 years are now considered "illegal". Of course, this information is all publicly available, but how many people spend their weekends researching new laws at the courthouse? Case in point.
\nOur government is controlling the populace by fear. "Don't do that or you'll go to jail" and "you'll be fined for that". We're so consumed by countless laws and regulations that we're bound to break one or more of them sooner or later…probably unknowingly. How many people have ever heard of these ridiculous "laws":
\n\n\n\n
\n- In Florida, Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner.
\n- In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.
\n- It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket in Kentucky.
\n- In Los Angeles, customers in meat markets are prohibited from poking a turkey to see how tender it is.
\n- Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog in Oklahoma.
\n- In California, community leaders passed an ordinance that makes it illegal for anyone to try and stop a child from playfully jumping over puddles of water.
\n- In Chicago, it is against the law to eat in an establishment that is on fire.
\n- In Florida, a special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing.
\n- In Florida, any form of sexual contact other than missionary position is a misdemeanor. (This one is still an active law at the time of this writing)
\n
Granted, a lot of these laws have been repealed and are no longer valid, but it raises the question "How did these ‘laws' ever get approved?"
\nI think I can explain. Take the making-faces-at-dogs law in Oklahoma. Some idiot probably decided that it would be a fun experience to taunt his neighbor's rottweiler by making faces at it. The dog got pissed off, bit the hell out of him, and voila! It's in the newspapers. It's on TV. Animal control comes out and puts the dog down. Pretty soon we have animal rights activists out there protesting. Next thing you know, some idiot congressman writes up a new law preventing this from ever happening again. Problem solved, right? Well, let's pretend that everyone in Oklahoma did get a fresh copy of the lil' law book we talked about. We no longer have people making faces at dogs anywhere in the entire state of Oklahoma. A week later, some moron comes by and decides to yank on another dog's tail. He gets malled. Dammit! Our new law didn't cover that situation.
\nBut rather then educate people — and I don't mean college, but perhaps something more along the lines of common sense — our government chooses to write more and more laws in an effort to prevent future occurrences of the same situations from happening. Think about how senseless this is. How many times can you patch a tire before it finally bursts? The solution here is to teach people to not drive over broken glass.
\nMaybe one day we'll have a leader in government that can come to terms with how ridiculous this whole process is and put forth an effort to change it for the better. Until then, should we consider creating a new law to ban stupid laws?
\n", "date_published": "2007-05-03T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/stupid-questions-stupider-people/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/stupid-questions-stupider-people/", "title": "Stupid questions, stupider people", "content_html": "You know how you can tell whether or not you're talking to an idiot? One way to know for sure is if they ask you nonsensical questions over and over again, taking baby steps to clarify what they actually need. Then, once you finally understand the nature of their inquiry, it has absolutely nothing to do with you at all and is probably something they could have easily figured out on their own with minimal effort.
\nPeople like this deserve the highest level of demeaning aggression available. That's right, they should all be fwapped. No! Not that definition, I mean #4:
\n\n\nTo smack incessantly with a fish; the highest form of physical insultation;
\n
Yeah, that's the one. They all deserve to be smacked with a fish over and over again until they have scales and fish guts embedded in their skin, causing rotting, infectious diseases that eats them alive from the inside out. Aw, who am I kidding? A good fwap never hurt anyone…but it would be funny as hell.
\n", "date_published": "2007-03-29T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-little-trick-that-att-taught-me/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-little-trick-that-att-taught-me/", "title": "A little trick that AT&T taught me", "content_html": "I recently called "The New AT&T" to merge my BellSouth and Cingular services into one bill in an attempt to save money. When I agreed to let them enable long distance service on my account they told me that after the call they would transfer me to a third party company. This company would, effectively, confirm my long distance changes and life would be great from thereon after.
\nWell, I ended up staying on the line only to be disconnected moments later. The next day I got a voicemail stating that the confirmation failed and I'd have to call and have them transfer me again. So I called…and waited…and waited…and waited. Finally, the rep picked up the phone and (after another 10 minutes of researching my account) stated she was going to transfer me to the third party service again.
\nI quickly asked her if she had an extension that I could call her back on in case I got disconnected again, which she said she didn't. She did tell me, however, that if I got disconnected again I should just call the same number and dial the option for New Customers, and that this would get me to a representative almost immediately (she also mentioned that she wasn't supposed to tell me this).
\nI know this isn't really anything profound, but it's kind of funny hearing it straight from the horse's mouth: once you're a customer, you're pretty much on the back burner. So now you know the trick and you shouldn't feel bad using it. I know I don't.
\n", "date_published": "2007-03-29T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/public-school-vs-charter-school/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/public-school-vs-charter-school/", "title": "Public school vs. charter school", "content_html": "This is for all the people out there who are against the idea of charter schools (especially the ones who declare that they should all be shut down permanently). I know of countless parents who are grateful that their kids have had the opportunity to excel in these much-needed schools when the public schools didn't work out. The environment, the teaching styles…it all varies with each charter, and that variety is something that you can't find in your average public school.
\nKids are diverse. They are not standardized machines. Each child should be given the opportunity to learn at his/her own pace at a school that understands that concept. Think about it. Just because your kid didn't study his multiplication table doesn't mean my kid should be held back from learning algebra.
\nWhen I was in elementary school they always told us to reach for the stars. Now we seem to be teaching our kids to wait for the dumb kids. You know what that creates? Boredom, bad performance, a despise for school, bad behavior…it's anti-Darwinian.
\nKeep the kids interested in what they're doing and encourage learning at their own pace–that's you how get them to enjoy education. Until the public schools can show me that they give a damn about my childrens' individual education and not just their stupid test scores, a charter school is the only way to go.
\n", "date_published": "2007-03-21T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-two-second-rule/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-two-second-rule/", "title": "The two-Second rule", "content_html": "Today, whilst driving home on Knecht Road in Palm Bay (a 35 MPH road), one of two cops standing on the side of the street motioned for me to stop. So I stopped and rolled down the window, but only about halfway. I looked at him with my shades on and a "what the hell do you want" expression. After a brief moment of silence, as if he had to make up something to say, he spoke:
\n"What's a safe distance between moving vehicles?" he asked.
\n"About 2 seconds" I replied (because I'm such a hardcore traffic-safety guru).
\n"So how far apart were you from the car ahead of you?"
\nWithout hesitation I said about 1 to 1.5 seconds, which is my average distance on 35 MPH roads and a fair estimate of how far I really was from the car in front of me — I was by no means tailgating.
\n"Try about .5 seconds," he said, and warned me that not adhering to the two-second safety rule would result in a "big ticket".
\nI rolled up the window and drove away chuckling (without my seatbelt fastened, mind you). Seriously, guys…no, I'm not going to use a donut joke…but don't you have anything better to do?
\n", "date_published": "2007-03-13T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-truck-at-my-tickets/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-truck-at-my-tickets/", "title": "My truck at my tickets", "content_html": "We didn't get to go to the show last night because I lost the tickets, presumably in an inaccessible cavity behind my dashboard. It mostly-likely happened en route to the gas station on the way to Orlando.
\nAttempts to excavate them from the vehicle's ticket-eating vortex failed miserably. So that pretty much sucked.
\n", "date_published": "2007-03-11T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/daddys-girl/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/daddys-girl/", "title": "Daddy's Girl", "content_html": "She wanders around without a clue
\nA little girl that envies you
You watch her grow up everyday
\nShe makes you smile in every way
A gift from somewhere up above
\nShe's filled with everlasting love
Her eyes shine when she looks at you
\nSo bright and perfect, who ever knew?
With jammies on she hops in bed
\nYou start to leave, but then instead
You hold her close and rub her back
\nA story before she hits the sac
You do the voices perfectly
\nShe follows along with 1-2-3
Before lights out, a hug and kiss
\nA moment that you wouldn't miss
And while she rests so quietly
\nYour heart is melting silently
Thoughts of how she's growing up
\nNo more bib or sippy cup
The way she's gotten so darn clever
\nYou wish these things would last forever
The giggles and the playful roars
\nThe crawling around all over floors
The tickles and the teasing grins
\nThe it-don't-matter-if-you-wins
The piggybacks and horsey rides
\nThe swing sets and the twirly slides
The holding hands, the happy smiles
\nThe stay-up-just-a-little-whiles
The snuggles and the rosy cheeks
\nThe zerberts and the goofy squeaks
She learns so much come every day
\nAnd loves so much in every way
That nothing could destroy her world
\nAs long as she is daddy's girl
A recipe I got from a friend in Texas who makes the best sweet tea ever (thanks, Johnny Ray!):
\n*This stuff is really good. Please drink responsibly.
\n", "date_published": "2007-02-20T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/fraidy-cat-cartoon/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/fraidy-cat-cartoon/", "title": "Fraidy cat cartoon", "content_html": "Does anyone remember this cartoon? Every now and then it runs through my head…like memories of watching the number 9 cloud chasing this poor cat through the alley and trying to zap him with lightning.
\nI'd really like to get a copy of the "Cloud 9″ episode so I can watch it again, maybe just to see if I am remembering it as I originally saw it.
\n", "date_published": "2007-02-19T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-warm-fuzzy-tale/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-warm-fuzzy-tale/", "title": "The warm fuzzy tale", "content_html": "Some people have never heard of or read the Warm Fuzzy Tale. Boy are they missing out:
\n\n\n", "date_published": "2007-02-15T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-clean-inbox/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-clean-inbox/", "title": "A clean inbox", "content_html": "In those days it was very easy to get Warm Fuzzies. Anytime that somebody felt like it, he might walk up to you and say, "I'd like to have a Warm Fuzzy." You would then reach into your bag and pull out a Fuzzy the size of a child's hand. As soon as the Fuzzy saw the light of day it would smile and blossom into a large, shaggy, Warm Fuzzy. When you laid the Warm Fuzzy on the person's head, shoulder or lap it would snuggle up and melt right against their skin and make them feel good all over.
\n
I love it when my email inbox is empty. For me, that means everything I had to follow up on is complete. I keep all sorts of things in there, from calendar reminders to to-do lists, and I never delete a single one until it's complete.
\nTonight, for the first time in months, I once again have a clean inbox to look at :)
\n", "date_published": "2007-02-10T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/good-morning-kitty/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/good-morning-kitty/", "title": "Good morning, kitty", "content_html": "My cat learned how to open my bedroom door this morning. I woke up to the sound of the alarm clock and, before I was even on my feet, I heard him jumping outside of my bedroom. It sounded like he was scratching the door as he was jumping up and down.
\nThe next thing I saw was the door handle jiggling (it's a handle, not a round knob). Finally, he got it to budge, pushed the door open, and pranced into the bedroom like a champ. Now that's a smart cat.
\n", "date_published": "2007-01-25T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/names-not-to-use-on-your-test-server-on-presentation-day/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/names-not-to-use-on-your-test-server-on-presentation-day/", "title": "Names not to use on your test server on presentation day", "content_html": "Developers often use bogus temporary data to develop and test the systems they're working on. This is a short list of names that shouldn't appear on your test server come presentation day. They make for quite an awkward moment.
\nI propose a new law that will allow for the capital punishment of anyone who sends me an email with 36pt purple Comic Sans writing in it.
\nDon't do it. It's not funny. It's not cute. It's ridiculous. So just stop. There's no reason to ever choose that combination of font, size, and color…ever.
\n", "date_published": "2007-01-17T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/letter-to-brian/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/letter-to-brian/", "title": "Letter to Brian", "content_html": "Today I learned that having a unisexual name can increase the hilarity of sending a letter to one's brother who is currently in Marine Corps Boot Camp.
\nAfter writing the address in the girliest handwriting possible, I carefully adhered a Disney Cinderella stamp to the envelope and drew a cute little heart on the back just for reassurance.
\nThe result? A letter that's sure to draw attention from the Drill Instructors and confuse my brother thoroughly. I wish I had a way of seeing his face when he gets the letter in a few days. It's the simple things in life.
\n", "date_published": "2007-01-07T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/winter-vacation/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/winter-vacation/", "title": "Winter vacation", "content_html": "I arrived to see my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousins in North Carolina yesterday. I'm finally away from work, away from school, away from Florida, and away from most of the things that have been irritating me a lot lately. In a couple days I'll be headed home for the holidays and, I have to admit, I'm not really looking forward to going back.
\nIt's funny. I used to think of Christmas as a passionate holiday with family, friends, cookies, music, presents…I could hardly wait for it each year. Christmas was my stepping stone every July when things weren't looking up — I'd just think about how it was right around the corner and how great everything would be when it came. Now I wish it would never come. I guess it's different when you don't have a whole lot to believe in or celebrate. At least, that's how it feels most of the time. I wish I could just skip it this year. It's not that I don't appreciate my family, it's just not worth getting excited about when you can't celebrate with all the people you love.
\nFor the ones I can share this holiday with, Mom and Dad, I want you to know that you're the ONLY reason I'm coming home for Christmas in two days. It's not for the food or gifts, it's for the family — even if it is just us. Merry Christmas.
\n", "date_published": "2006-12-22T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-ridiculous-sleep-schedule/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-ridiculous-sleep-schedule/", "title": "My ridiculous sleep schedule", "content_html": "For whatever reason, I slept in until 1:30pm yesterday. So, since I wasn't tired at all last night, I ended up watching the sunrise this morning. I finally went to bed at 8am which, of course, encouraged me to sleep in until another ridiculous hour (this time 2pm).
\nNow it's almost 11pm and I'm totally wired. The odds of actually closing my eyes and sleeping tonight are not the greatest. It's going to be a fun day at work tomorrow.
\n", "date_published": "2006-12-17T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/no-wii-for-me/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/no-wii-for-me/", "title": "No Wii for me", "content_html": "I've come to the conclusion that the Nintendo Wii might be a little too intense for me. I don't own one, nor have I had even the slightest desire to obtain one. Today, I was reaffirmed that my decision to remain a virgin to the Wii was a good one. Introducing wiihaveaproblem.com. From the homepage:
\n\n\nWii have a problem is a blog focused on bringing you the latest trend in gaming violence. That of damage caused by window lickers who should not be participating in activity of any form…yet own a Wii. Why? Because we're fanboys that's why.
\n
Brilliant…cataloging rambunctious video gamers who proudly admit their self-inflicted idiocies to the world. Why didn't I think of that?
\n", "date_published": "2006-12-14T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-bestest-friend/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-bestest-friend/", "title": "My Bestest Friend", "content_html": "A tragic ending, so absurd
\nYou listened to my every word
Shattered dreams we've painted black
\nA one-way road, no turning back
Down the hall an echo roars
\nSounds of anger, slamming doors
Pictures broken on the ground
\nShards of glass spread all around
Mirrors cracked and chairs tipped over
\nSo much for my four leaf clover
A different place now, somewhere new
\nA chance for me to be with you
It seemed so nice, a pleasant start
\nFor two who shared a broken heart
The sidewalk circles 'round the block
\nWe follow quick, a steady walk
You hold my hand, it disappears
\nThe nighttime shadows drown my fears
I feel my heart, it's beating slower
\nThe temperature, it's getting lower
My thoughts are frozen, cold as ice
\nA single breath does not suffice
This bitter ending we both know
\nIs buried in the freezing snow
Along with all those wrongs and rights
\nAll those sleepless, winter nights
But in the end, one thing is real
\nDespite the scars, our wounds will heal
And if the cold doth take me here
\nI will not suffer, have no fear
I know our dreams weren't meant to be
\nBut thanks for loving me faithfully
And just remember, if this is the end
\nYou'll always be my bestest friend
I've come to the harsh realization that I may never write legibly again and, if I ever have to resort to a pen and paper as my only means of communication, I may become incommunicationable! Yes, I know that's not a real word but that's where my written skills are headed – to indecipherable lines of scribbles and text! Without a keyboard I am simply not a written communicator.
\nI know this is true because of the final exam I was administered today. Almost the entire test was comprised of essay-style questions that required a pen and paper (GASP!). The difficulty of this exam had gone from elementary to an all out physical challenge. Sure, I had studied the material, but I was nowhere near prepared for an epic handwriting battle! Over 10 pages…four of which required more than just a bubble or circular marking. By the time I was through I had blisters on my fingers and blood on my knuckles. I didn't think I would make it out alive. I saw my educational career die right there with that abominable test. But, with the click of a pen and the turn of a page, it was all over. Victory was mine! The Great War was fought and I had survived the wretched experience without any permanent damage to my hand. The only problem is, I'm not sure if anyone will be able to read my handwriting. I wonder if that matters?
\n", "date_published": "2006-12-11T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/george-carlin-at-the-king-center/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/george-carlin-at-the-king-center/", "title": "George Carlin at the King Center", "content_html": "I saw George Carlin last night at the King Center. This was my first Carlin show and it was about as funny as I expected. I've read some of his books and seen videos of his stand-up here and there, but nothing comes close to the full dose you get at the live show. I can't believe he's been doing this for over 50 years!
\n", "date_published": "2006-12-07T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/quitting-sleeping/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/quitting-sleeping/", "title": "Quitting sleeping", "content_html": "Although I really enjoy catching some Z's every now and then, I feel obligated to contend Nature's effort to require this luxury we call ‘sleep' on a daily basis. So how does one man, a mere mortal, single-handedly take on a force as great as nature? Why, with a brilliant plan, of course.
\nThe average person requires eight hours of sleep per day. For thousands of years, humans have been practicing this slumberous ritual which has become an exceedingly difficult habit to break. My suggestion is to do with sleep as many are able to do with nicotine. No, not the patch. I was thinking more along the lines of gradually quitting, sleeping less and less over a period of time until it is no longer a physical requirement, but rather a luxury that can be performed when desired. This makes more sense to me, as there are seldom enough hours in the day to do everything that needs to be done. By quitting sleeping, you could rest socially when it's convenient for you. No more drowsiness and fatigue to adversely affect your productivity.
\nIt won't be easy, but nothing worth trying for is. If we all work together, we can liberate millions of people throughout the world from this global epidemic. So come with me! Join hands and fight the battle against sleep as a team! College kids, truck drivers, graveyard shifters…anyone who's ever woken up late for work or missed an appointment! It's time to rise against this unnecessary evil and take back the one-third of our life that slumber has robbed from us!
\n", "date_published": "2006-12-04T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-cruise-dance/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/the-cruise-dance/", "title": "The cruise dance", "content_html": "The obligatory dance that must be performed prior to attending a cruise:
\n\nAnd now you know.
\n", "date_published": "2006-11-18T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-personal-productivity-report/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-personal-productivity-report/", "title": "My personal productivity report", "content_html": "It's getting late and I'm only running off of five hours of sleep from last night. I managed to do absolutely nothing productive tonight, with the exception of watch Thank You For Smoking and talk to Jared via IM.
\nIronically, my lack of productivity tonight actually constitutes as being productive in my world. So unproductively-productive that I wasted almost an hour on Line Rider trying to get the little dude to do loops without falling or crashing. That's what I call effective self-management.
\n", "date_published": "2006-11-10T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/breakfast/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/breakfast/", "title": "Breakfast", "content_html": "Ah, yes. This morning was calm and comforting. I prepared some toast and yogurt to start the day off right. This would be the first breakfast at home that I've had in a while. As I took my first bite of my peanut butter toast…
\n[Scratch, scratch]
\nWhat the…?
\n[Scratch, scratch, scratch, scratch]
\nWhy is it that everytime I try to enjoy some food of my own, the cat finds it a suitable time to take a shit? Any other time during the day I never see him in there, but as soon as I put anything edible in my hand there he is getting ready to drop a deuce! Seriously, I can do without the rather unpleasant dining fragrance!
\nBut this was no ordinary crap! This was a steamy, ears-back shit that even a fly wouldn't go near. Needless to say, the area was quite unstable so I ended up eating the rest of my breakfast outside before going to work. I knew there was a reason that I started skipping breakfast in the mornings. Thanks for the pleasant reminder, kitty.
\n", "date_published": "2006-11-06T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/your-own-disaster/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/your-own-disaster/", "title": "Your own disaster", "content_html": "The same song plays over and over again. Four minutes and forty-eight seconds of Taking Back Sunday fills the room in a constant echo. Why does everything seem so unhappy? Why does everything feel so burned out and pointless? Everyone says there's hope. They always say that there's meaning behind it all…but I can never seem to grasp it. It feels like a constant spin of anger and depression, maybe a day or two of false happiness, then back to hell again.
\n\n\nJust think of this and me
\n
\nAs just a few of the many things
\nTo lie around
\nTo clutter up your shelves
\nAnd I wish you weren't worth the wait
\nCause there's some things
\nI'd like to say to you
When there's something in your life that you want to change, it's up to you to change it. Other people might influence you or maybe you want to impress somebody, but ultimately it is you that makes the change. So what extent should you go to just to make something different in your life? Do you tear everything down and start over from scratch? Do you take your time, manipulating things piece by piece? What if you hate yourself, or the decisions that you've made? What if you've changed your world so much that you hate it even worse than you did before? Do you try again? Do you keep going and hope that you make it better? What if it keeps getting worse? We always know exactly what we want, and we do whatever we can just to get it. But once we have it there's always something else we want even more.
\n\n\nNo I don't think that you know
\n
\nWhat you've been missing
\nNo I don't think that you know
\nWhat you've been missing…
Why do we follow dreams that will never come true? Why can't we learn from our mistakes? Maybe it's best if we just stop getting in the way of our own destiny. Maybe it's best if we just stop trying altogether…
\n\n\n", "date_published": "2006-11-05T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/todays-headlines/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/todays-headlines/", "title": "Today's headlines", "content_html": "Hey lush, have fun. It's the weekend.
\n
\nHey lush, have fun.
\nHey lush, have fun. It's the weekend.
\nHey lush, have fun…
While living in Brevard County, Florida, your best source of quality local news comes from the Florida Today newspaper. I signed up for the online news notifications not because I wanted to stay up to date with current events, but because I needed a good laugh from day-to-day. I don't think that the news stories are intended to be humorous, but how can they not with headlines like these:
\nIt almost makes the news worth reading, doesn't it?
\n(Links removed in August, 2012 since they no longer work.)
\n", "date_published": "2006-11-01T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/missing-nail-clippers/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/missing-nail-clippers/", "title": "Missing nail clippers", "content_html": "Up until a few minutes ago I was confident that I was the victim of, perhaps, the greatest conspiracy of all time. It all started with myself, two cats, and a pair of nail clippers.
\nIn this day and age, times are tough and nail clippers are hard to come by. Thus, my cats and I opted to share the one pair we have until another pair can be obtained. With that said and kitty-clipping day right around the corner, I came home to find the nail clippers gone. Yes, gone. Completely missing. Nowhere in sight.
\nI assembled a search team immediately. Comprised of me, myself, and I, the team scoured the vicinity for nearly 10 minutes with no luck of finding the missing clippers. I was left to face the fact that I may never see my precious clippers again, but I wasn't about to give up yet.
\nI decided to consult the cats to see if they knew anything about the disappearance. It was a desperate attempt, but I was in a desperate position. I suspected their alibi for hiding the clippers was to avoid getting their claws trimmed. However, after minutes of intense interrogation, I came to the conclusion that they were not responsible for this unforgivable act. My investigation was at an impasse.
\nI was almost about to call the search team back when I noticed a metallic object glistening in my nightstand drawer. Could it be? It was.
\nThe clippers were exactly where I had left them. Alas, I realized that I was not a victim of some radical conspiracy, rather, a victim of my own senility.
\n", "date_published": "2006-10-31T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/happy-halloween/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/happy-halloween/", "title": "Happy Halloween!", "content_html": "Sitting here, waiting for trick-or-treaters to knock on the door so I can scare them away.
\nAnyways, work was rather interesting today with most everybody wearing some kind of costume. I think we managed to weird out just about everybody we came across on campus. I mean, how would you feel if you saw Napoleon Dynamite walking around with a pirate and a bunch of D&D characters? My point exactly.
\nHere's how ridiculous this turned out:
\n\n", "date_published": "2006-10-31T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/things-you-wish-you-could-do-again/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/things-you-wish-you-could-do-again/", "title": "Things you wish you could do again", "content_html": "Some things you wish you could do all over again:
\nAt the time you never think twice about the fun you're having and the people you're having it with. Looking back though…that's a different story. But the truth is, your youth never fades away and you can celebrate it eternally just by remembering it – and who knows? Maybe one day you'll find yourself having a pillow fight "just for fun".
\n", "date_published": "2006-10-24T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/defeated/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/defeated/", "title": "Defeated", "content_html": "The odds that rage against me
\nAnd the pain that they instill
\nWill not discourage all my dreams
\nOr terrify my will
This war declared upon me
\nWill surcease without a doubt
\nBut not before the coming of
\nThe first and final bout
I have not trained a single day
\nMy fortitude is lacking
\nYet somehow I must be prepared
\nFor the enemy attacking
And when it does, I'll find myself
\nAlone against its forces
\nFighting 'til death to combat
\nAll the evil it coerces
The coming of this fateful day
\nOn which battle will be heated
\nWill only go to show the world
\nI will not be defeated
A craving for chocolate milk last night ended up with a trip to the store to pick up milk and chocolate syrup. Little did I know that this trip would forever change the way I feel about Hershey's Chocolate Syrup…
\n[In the store]
\nAs I reached for a bottle of syrup, I paused. Something wasn't right. Something about these bottles was significantly different from the ones that I was used to. You know the kind — the ones with the push up cap that gets all gooey when you push it back down; the all-American Hershey's Syrup bottle that is virtually impossible to squeeze chocolate out of when it gets too cold. Yeah, that's the one. But the bottles on the shelf were…different.
\nA small, transparent piece of plastic with red lettering was affixed to the cap of each bottle. It advertised a ‘new & improved', ‘no mess cap' — probably another marketing scheme to encourage you to buy Hershey's Syrup (but seriously, who doesn't buy Hershey's Syrup?). With no other options, except second-rate generic chocolate sauce, I chose the alien bottle. I carried it all the way to the milk cooler, all the way to the register, and all the way back home. It was an awkward drive, but I was determined to experience some good ol' fashioned chocolate milk when I got home.
\n[At home, post-chocolate milk]
\nNow, to be honest, I don't know how to feel about this. I am both heart-broken and ecstatic. Life is so much easier now with my new & improved, no-mess bottle of Hershey's Syrup, and it's much easier to squeeze the chocolate out…even when it's cold! But I feel like a part of my childhood has been taken from me. Don't get me wrong, I mean, change is good. I just hope that, one day, Hershey will come out with a retro-bottle of their world-famous syrup so my children's children can see just how messy and hard it was for me to make chocolate milk back in the day.
\nHey, it's the small things that count.
\n", "date_published": "2006-09-25T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/good-morning-err-evening/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/good-morning-err-evening/", "title": "Good morning, err, evening", "content_html": "So I got home from work a little after 5pm and ended up falling asleep around 6pm. When I woke up, it was dark outside. Not like a midnight dark, more like an early morning dark right before the sun comes up. I rolled over and grabbed my cell phone, opened it up and looked at the time. At this point, my eyes were still heavy and it was hard to see exactly what the numbers read. It looked like 7:30. Shit! I have to be to work at 8:00am!
\n[Nearly falls out of bed]
\nBut wait a minute, something didn't seem right. I was almost to the point of getting dressed when I realized it was actually 7:30pm, not 7:30am.
\n[Crawls back into bed]
\nI must be missing too much sleep lately. I think it's time to re-evaluate my daily schedule again :(
\n", "date_published": "2006-09-14T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-myspace/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/my-myspace/", "title": "My MySpace", "content_html": "This is my formal explanation as to why I now have a MySpace account, even though I already have MY SPACE right here at laviska.com (and plenty of it). The truth being, I fell victim to peer pressure and was finally convinced to sign up last night. I created an account, made a few changes to the theme (because plain is just boring), and started searching for some people I know.
\nWithin minutes I found a number of people I currently know and some that I've known since kindergarten. The idea of finding one of my very first friends after 15 years of no contact has started to change my view of MySpace as a service. On the other hand, I still have rather mixed feelings about random people I don't know trying to become my friend.
\nSo, here's what I currently like about MySpace:
\nAnd, of course, what I don't like:
\nSo, there you have it. I'm keeping an open mind and being honest about everything. We'll see how it goes…
\n", "date_published": "2006-09-09T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-taco-bell-dinner/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/a-taco-bell-dinner/", "title": "A Taco Bell dinner", "content_html": "Ah, yes…fake Mexican food again tonight. I'll probably never learn to decline the urge to gluttonize when it comes to dinner at Taco Bell. The trick, I have learned, is to order the perfect amount of food. Not ordering enough is sure to leave an unforgiving hunger right before bed, and eating too much can almost be tragic!
\nUnfortunately, the "perfect" amount of food is relative to your stomach's capacity, current level of hunger, and ability to withstand a pound or two of refried beans. Fire sauce is a must, and should also be considered into the equation. Never go with the cinna-twist things because you almost always forget to eat them (plus they get cold really fast). I prefer a Mountain Dew and plenty of extra napkins to finish it off, followed by sitting back, groaning, and wishing I had eaten Chinese food instead.
\n~Sigh~
\n", "date_published": "2006-08-15T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/misunderstood/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/misunderstood/", "title": "Misunderstood", "content_html": "Everything logical slips through your hands
\nAnd people you talk to just don't understand
The feelings inside—they instigate sin
\nBut society is blind to what lies within
It's something you want or something you need
\nWhatever it is, you can never concede
What can't be explained or even defined
\nIs implicitly trapped in the depths of your mind
The things that you feel are not what they seem
\nAnd the fate of your life depends on a dream
But ignorance reigns throughout the earth
\nFrom the oldest man, to the newest birth
Only a few comprehend these emotions
\nA handful of people who share such devotions
While conventional minds criticize as they should
\nThe rest of us journey on misunderstood
Closing my eyes and drifting away
\nRecalling memories, too sad to say
Knowing the Earth will never stop turning
\nForever hoping, wishing and yearning
I watch my own breathe escape into the air
\nFeeling time pass, not giving a care
I patiently wait with no fear of tomorrow
\nFed up with anger, hatred and sorrow
Waiting for some special time to arrive
\nTo prove my existence, to know I'm alive
Wondering when it will happen again
\nAnd whenever it does, will it be the end?
I ask all the questions, but no one can say
\nThat tomorrow will be just a regular day
Knowing these troubles are deep like a splinter
\nI can tell we are in for a real cold winter
With cool autumn gone and sweater away
\nI sit and remember my life on that day
Back then it was easy, so simple to do
\nNow it's a struggle to just make it through
The smell of the air brings me back now and then
\nTo taunt recollections of what might have been
While fear in my body that never existed
\nGave birth to concerns that sharply persisted
Life as I knew would be different from then
\nAn unstable world had changed once again
The past will live on in a grave in my head
\nUntil it's forgotten, until I am dead
I remember it well, so clear in my mind
\nA life that moved on and left me behind
With that I am certain that I know the truth
\nI'm haunted by the ghost of Forgotten Youth
‘Twas the night before Frances
\nWhen all through the state
\nNot a gas pump was pumping
\nNot a store open late
All the plywood was hung
\nOn the windows with care
\nKnowing that a hurricane
\nSoon would be there
The children were ready
\nWith flashlights in hand
\nWhile bands from the hurricane
\nCovered the land
And mamma with her Mag-Lite
\nAnd I in my cap
\nHad just filled the bath tub
\nFor flushing our crap
When out on the lawn
\nThere arose such a clatter
\nI sprang from the closet
\nTo see what was the matter
The trees on the fence
\nAnd the neighbor's roof torn
\nGave the fear of us dying
\nIn this terrible storm
With a little wind gust
\nSo lively and quick
\nI remembered quite clearly
\nOur walls weren't brick
More rapid than eagles
\nHer courses they came
\nAnd she whistled, and wafted
\nAnd surged all the same
Off shingles! Off sidings!
\nOff rooftops! Off power!
\nDown trees! Down fences!
\nDown trailers! Down towers!
In the center of Florida
\nShe continued to maul
\nScreaming Blow Away!
\nBlow Away! Blow Away All!
As wind ripped and tossed
\nThe debris through the sky
\nI peeked out the shutters
\nAt cars floating by
So go to the safe-room
\nMy family did do
\nWith a portable radio
\nAnd batteries too
And then, in a twinkling
\nI heard on the set
\nThe end was not coming
\nFor a few hours yet!
As I calmed down the kids
\nAnd was turning around
\nThrough the window it came
\nWith a huge crashing sound
A tree branch it was
\nAll covered in soot
\nThe wind blew it smack-dab
\nOn top of my foot
A bundle of twigs
\nNow lay in a stack
\nAnd my living room looks
\nLike it was under attack
The wind — how it howled!
\nThe storm — very scary!
\nMyself and the family
\nWere all too unwary
The dangers of hurricanes
\nAre serious, you know
\nThey are taken for granted
\nAs Frances did show
With the winds dying down
\nAnd the danger beneath
\nI noticed my tool shed
\nWas missing its sheath
So I grabbed my last tarp
\nAnd nailed it on down
\nThen I got in my car
\nAnd I headed to town
The traffic was awful
\nAnd stores had no ice
\nMy five gallon cooler
\nWould have to suffice
Generators were scarce
\nNot one left in town
\nThere were trees on the roads
\nAnd power lines down
FEMA was ready
\nWith people to work
\nElectrical companies
\nCame in from New York
And in the midst of
\nThis peculiar routine
\nAnother storm emerged
\nNamed Hurricane Jeanne
I sprang to the car
\nAnd gave my family a whistle
\nThen away we all went
\nLike a Tomahawk missile
You could hear us exclaim
\nAs we drove out of sight
\n"The hell with this place,
\nVermont seems just right!"
Written after Hurricane Frances ripped through Florida in 2004. This poem went viral and was spread across the Internet—mostly without credit. This is the original source, and I also hold the official U.S. copyright for it.
\n", "date_published": "2004-09-30T00:00:00Z" },{ "id": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/in-front-of-me/", "url": "https://www.laviska.com/posts/in-front-of-me/", "title": "In Front of Me", "content_html": "Here you stand in front of me
\nA dream that has come true
\nThe spirit of a long lost hope
\nThat finally faded through
No random path of evil
\nNor temptation block the way
\nMy voice is free from shouting
\nAll the fear has gone away
My memories of tears and pain
\nHave vanished out of sight
\nWhile increments of happiness
\nAppear throughout the light
You gave me the direction
\nThat I never had back then
\nEvery step I take from now
\nWill bring me forward again
For all these beneficial things
\nI hope you can construe
\nGratefulness in the form of love
\nMy solemn gift to you
For showing me in black and white
\nWhat I could never see
\nThe love that I was looking for
\nWas right in front of me
Mr. Death, it is ye I seek
\nTo challenge thee at my life's peak
Take me now, if you choose to dare
\nAnd send me to your distant lair
For I will never show fear of thee
\nNor will you ever conquer me
Even after my breath is gone
\nMy heart and spirit will carry on
The night has fallen as it does
\nUpon the weary day
\nI close my eyes and drift to sleep
\nMy worries fade away
But as I dream I can't shut out
\nThe thought of what is missing
\nThe warm embrace of loving arms
\nThe hugging and the kissing
My memory reminds me of
\nThe great times that we've had since
\nThese lonely tears that fill my eyes
\nReflected off your absence
The night falls
\nAnd so does he
\nOnto a pillow
\nOf beautiful dreams
He touches her hair
\nAnd Kisses Her Face
\nReveling in
\nHer loving grace
Holding her close
\nHe turns off the light
\nWith a kiss on the forehead
\nHe tells her ‘goodnight'
What war are we really fighting?
\nWhat good will battle do?
\nIf we can't make peace within ourselves
\nBy accepting each other's views
The conflicts consist more of us
\nThan those across the sea
\nThe ones who hate, hurt, and murder
\nAre the enemies to me
We can't expect our little world
\nTo ever be free of fear
\nBut in the meantime we can focus on
\nThe problems that we have here
The clouds shed all the tears
\nThat the child cannot cry
\nHis anger is expressed
\nAs the thunder fills the sky
Lightning flashes indicating
\nThe worst is almost here
\nThe wind blows through the memories
\nThat make his mind unclear
The sacrifice of all this child's
\nHopes and aspirations
\nCannot be justified by just
\nA simple explanation
And yet a ray of sunlight
\nFinds its way onto the earth
\nIt breaks through all the clouds and rain
\nAnd shines for what it's worth
A symbol of freedom, hope and chance
\nAnd strength to pull him through
\nAnother attempt at becoming the man
\nHe always wanted to
The rain will stop and the earth will absorb
\nThe sadness in his heart
\nFor this young child's only wish
\nWas granted from the start
It's not a kingdom
\nIt's not a jail
\nIt's a strong emotion
\nThat will prevail
See it not as a dungeon
\nBut a castle instead
\nOr an open book
\nWhich hasn't been read
It leaves you everything
\nTo explore
\nThe mystery of
\nAn unopened door
Take a chance
\nAnd place a bet
\nThat LOVE is something
\nYou won't forget