I’ll just leave these here for your enjoyment.

Things I Say

Some say I curse like a sailor, but I've also been told that I'm as eloquent as a Hallmark card at times.  Here are some of the curiously awesome things I've come up with...usually from right out of my ass:

On Web Developers

College didn’t teach me how to program. All of the skills I use daily were learned the hard way — through trial and error, poorly written API docs, and foraging through other people’s code. I give credit to Academia for algebra skills and emotional endurance, but web development was something that needed to be self-taught. I’ve embarrassed teachers who tried to teach table-based layouts and stumped professors with scripts that were a fraction of the size of their Java equivalents.

This isn’t rogue, this is renaissance.

The Right Way to Peel a Banana

When I was little, someone showed me how to peel a banana the traditional way: from the top down.  Without ever challenging this concept, I’ve spent the last two decades struggling with stubborn bananas, hoping that each one I peeled would submit without strife.  Some would give in easy, but others would bruise and become mushy at the tip, and I really, really hate mushy bananas.

A few months ago, I was enlightened by a friend who, upon witnessing my drama with a cantankerous banana, made my life easier by turning everything upside down.  Literally.  So there you have it.  Turn the banana, pinch the tip, then peel it.  It’s so easy: Turn, pinch and peel.

Advisor vs. Adviser

Not to argue something trivial, but I’ve always personally used the spelling advisor.  Since adviser looked awkward, I decided to investigate.  My research indicates that the two terms are interchangeable and neither can actually be deemed incorrect.  See the web definitions of advisor and adviser.

Merriam Webster says the words are synonymous, as does the American Heritage Dictionary, the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, Roget’s Thesaurus, and Princeton’s WordNet.  The Purdue Marketing Communications Editorial Style Guide insists on the spelling advisor over adviser.  The Columbia Guide to Standard American English states that “both spellings are standard”.  It does not appear that the agentive ending –er or –or has any semantic meaning in the case of either term.

Ordering From Burger King

I get weird looks when I order from Burger King:

I suppose the whole onion thing is a bit contradictory, but what the hell?  They said I could have it my way.