Don't let your guard down
Don't open your heart
The moment you do
She'll tear you apart

College didn't teach me how to program. All of the skills I use daily were learned the hard way — through trial and error, poorly written API docs, and foraging through other people's code. I give credit to Academia for algebra skills and emotional endurance, but web development was something that needed to be self-taught. I've embarrassed teachers who tried to teach table-based layouts and stumped professors with scripts that were a fraction of the size of their Java equivalents.

Two words, one meaning…but is one better than the other?  To find out whether or not I just shitted or shat, I decided to consult the Urban Dictionary:

When I was little, someone showed me how to peel a banana the traditional way: from the top down. Without ever challenging this concept, I've spent the last two decades struggling with stubborn bananas, hoping that each one I peeled would submit without strife. Some would give in easy, but others would bruise and become mushy at the tip, and I really, really hate mushy bananas.

Sometimes, the best way to look at things is from a totally different perspective. Analogies give us the opportunity to do just that, so I've taken this opportunity to shed some light on why a government-run health care industry would be better than a privatized health care industry such as the one we currently have here in the U.S.

I wonder what she sees in me
Something that I still can't see

When you sign up for online classes, you do so via the Internet. That means there are no registration lines and no bitchy ladies telling you the registration form hasn't been filled out properly. There are no physical classrooms to show up late to, which means there are no boring lectures that you can fall asleep to. Exams are administered online, which means you can take them bare-assed at two in the morning while listening to Queen. Online classes are schweet!

Inside your head and all through your mind
There's a broken dream that you left behind

There's been a lot of speculation about the quality of single, college-aged girls in the Melbourne area. My hypothesis is simple: most of the good ones go out of town for college while the "less than desirables" stick around, making the dating scene a rough, contaminated quagmire for guys like me. To qualify my deduction, here are some real quotes from first-dates I've been on: