Your own disaster

A drawing of a cartoon man pointing upwards

Hey there! This post was written in 2006, so it may contain information that is no longer accurate or thoughts that no longer reflect how I feel. As human beings, we're constantly learning and bettering ourselves through experiences and interactions with the world and each other.

I keep posts like this around for historical purposes and to prevent link rot, so please keep this in mind as you're reading.

— Cory

The same song plays over and over again. Four minutes and forty-eight seconds of Taking Back Sunday fills the room in a constant echo. Why does everything seem so unhappy? Why does everything feel so burned out and pointless? Everyone says there's hope. They always say that there's meaning behind it all…but I can never seem to grasp it. It feels like a constant spin of anger and depression, maybe a day or two of false happiness, then back to hell again.

Just think of this and me
As just a few of the many things
To lie around
To clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
Cause there's some things
I'd like to say to you

When there's something in your life that you want to change, it's up to you to change it. Other people might influence you or maybe you want to impress somebody, but ultimately it is you that makes the change. So what extent should you go to just to make something different in your life? Do you tear everything down and start over from scratch? Do you take your time, manipulating things piece by piece? What if you hate yourself, or the decisions that you've made? What if you've changed your world so much that you hate it even worse than you did before? Do you try again? Do you keep going and hope that you make it better? What if it keeps getting worse? We always know exactly what we want, and we do whatever we can just to get it. But once we have it there's always something else we want even more.

No I don't think that you know
What you've been missing
No I don't think that you know
What you've been missing…

Why do we follow dreams that will never come true? Why can't we learn from our mistakes? Maybe it's best if we just stop getting in the way of our own destiny. Maybe it's best if we just stop trying altogether…

Hey lush, have fun. It's the weekend.
Hey lush, have fun.
Hey lush, have fun. It's the weekend.
Hey lush, have fun…